3 Things I’ve Learned in the 3rd Year of Church Planting as the Wife of a Planter

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Two years ago, I wrote a post on some lessons I learned after a year of church planting Christ the King Church alongside my husband and a small group of people, for whom we are deeply grateful, who met in the living room of our home to pray and dream with us. In the earliest days of gathering, I searched high and low for resources, books, articles and any source of encouragement I could find to get through the uncertainty that those days brought. There was so much excitement but also, if I’m honest, so much fear. I remember feeling brave and bold one minute and racked with anxiety and fear the next. After that first year, I was able to step back and set up some “pillars of remembrance” that would enable me the strength to walk into another unknown year. These pillars were tangible markers or signs of remembering how God had provided and proven himself faithful so that when another time of trial would come, I could look back and not forget God and his promises. The Bible is filled with examples of fickle people like me who forgot the faithful goodness and lavish provision of God. How many times did the Israelites groan and complain and forget that God promised to care for them and provide for them? (Numbers 11) Church planting is filled with so many unknowns. It is critical in these times, to put our focus on that which is known, the very truths of the Gospel that steer our hearts in the right direction. Here are 3 truths about God and the lessons I’ve learned over the past 3 years of being a church planting wife:

  1. God is good. “You are good and do good.” (Psalm 119:68) This sounds elementary but I can assure you that you will forget this at times. Church planting can be so grueling that it will threaten to drive hope out of your heart if you are not careful to stand guard. There will be seasons of sitting in the shadows. Satan will be after your marriage and family causing dissension. Loneliness may be your closest friend. People who intended to be encouraging and faithful will let you down. Wolves will creep into your flock. Church growth will feel slow and you will fight to remember your call. These are familiar monsters you will battle in the early years. You will need to replace the lies with truth and the only way to do this is to go to the Word of God which will be your solace. You will need to go back to the truth that God is good. He always intends good and he is ever working for your good. Some days you will need to write this on paper and post it around your home. You will need to tell it to yourself time and time again when your heart struggles to believe. You will need to remove the lies of failure from your thinking and replace it with the goodness of God. He is for you and he is always good. Always.
  2. God is in control “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”(Luke 12:22-26) God is in control, you are not. This is one of the idols I have battled the most. Oh how my sinful heart longs to grasp onto safety and security and fools me to believe that control will assure me those things! God promises to grow his church in his way and in his time. Once you learn to let go of the illusion of control that you think you have, you will sit back and stand in awe of God’s sovereign plan over your church. You will watch in wonder at what he does. We are called to be faithful but faithfulness is not the same as control. God is in control of whom he will bring to your church. If this is true, then you are free to show up each Sunday and joyfully minister to whomever he brings through the doors for that day. He is the one who will draw people in and call them to membership and godly service. In the same way, he has a good intention for those he calls away. He is in control, you are not and this is a valuable lesson to learn.
  3. God is near.”…there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24) If you are a church planting wife, a church planter, or apart of a church planting team, you need not forget the nearness of God. You will be tempted to think he has walked away when the burdens of the church weigh heavy, the future seems grim, friendships are void or you are tempted to throw in your hat because you will be. Ministry is hard but we have Immanuel, God with us, every moment of every day. God has not promised that we will not suffer for the sake of the Gospel, but he has promised that he will be with us. The God who has called you has not left you alone. He does not sit high in the heavens, removed from you only looking down. He is in you and with you to help you in your time of need. He longs to be gracious to you and show you compassion. This will be what you cling to at all times.

“The best church planters are the ones who realize their ultimate calling is not first and foremost to plant a church but to come to Jesus himself.” -Ed Stetzer

Category : Pastor's Wife/Ministry Wife