Epic Fail

“Motherhood in America is about doing it all, having our cake and eating it too. But no one can do that. We try and pretend that everything is perfect. We cover up our failures with new purchases and fake smiles. But inside our heart breaks, and we wonder if we’ll even make it through the day…

I’ve since given up on perfect. I faced the reality that I don’t have it all together. Instead of trying to do it all, I’ve learned to let God manage my days. Rather than mother in my own strength, I parent through my weakness and on my knees. Each day I come before God, broken and helpless. I give him my messy life as a mother and receive in return the grace of the gospel. I’ve learned to embrace my weakness and messiness, not because my failures are good but because they open the door to God’s grace. And I’d rather wear dirty clothes and have my hair a mess than pretend life is perfect. Because then I get to wear the best fashion—the priceless, perfectly white robes of righteousness belonging to my Savior.” –Christina Fox

I don’t know about you, but motherhood has broken me in so many ways…Ways that are good and beautiful. My desire for control….me-time…..my agenda…gone. With this surrender, I realize I like it this way. I’m Free. Free to fall into the arms of grace where I’m loved and accepted and beckoned to drink in the Gospel over and over and over…

Yesterday was sort of an epic fail. The day began with the big sisters arguing and bickering and throwing around rude words at one another. My mind was wandering to some great possibilities that our future holds…and I just lost it – gave way to anger and the poor children were on the receiving end. But you know what? Looking back, it’s right where God wanted me to be- staring my sin and helplessness in the face so that I could remember that this motherhood thing is not about me and my efforts and how well I try or don’t try. It’s about shouting His glory from the rooftop – “for you Lord! If anything good comes out of this mothering thing then it is because of You! If my children succeed or have any good in them…it’s you! You!” Of course, I did what I knew I needed to do that day – I scooped up the little ones I sinned against and told them their mommy was so sorry and asked for their forgiveness. I also helped them to see their own sin and we hugged and breathed in the forgiveness of the Gospel together and went about the rest of the day together.

This life that I live, it’s a great big beautiful mess and its exactly what I need.